...

My New Super Hero <3

Plenty of Words...

Why- Jason Aldean


It's 3 AM and I finally say
I'm sorry for acting that way
I didn't really mean to make you cry
Oh baby, sometimes I wonder why


[CHORUS]
Why does it always have to come down
To you leaving
Before I'll say 'I love you'
Why do I always use the words
That cut the deepest
When I know how much it hurts you
Oh baby why, do I do that to you


I know I'd never let you walk away
So why do I push you 'til you break
And why are you always on the verge of good-bye
Before I'll show you how I really feel inside


[CHORUS]
Why does it always have to come down
To you leaving
Before I'll say 'I love you'
Why do I always use the words
That cut the deepest
When I know how much it hurts you
Oh baby why, do I do that to you


Why do I always use the words that cut the deepest
When I know how much it hurts you
Oh baby why, do I do that to you
Why do I do that to you

Cards these days.. they know how to relate

Tough Cookie – noun
1. Someone with just the right mix of sweetness and strength.
2. One who doesn’t crumble under pressure.
3. A fighter who’s too busy kicking butt to sit down and cry, but knows it’s okay to do both.
4. A person who doesn't always ask for support, but has lots of friends who would do anything to help.

Remebering Sunday.. Kinda how i feel in the Bold

Woke up from dreaming
And put on his shoes
Starting making his way past 2 in the morning 
He hasn't been sober for days
Leaning out into the breeze
Remembering Sunday he falls to his knees
They had breakfast together
But two eggs don't last like the feeling of what he needs
Now this place is familiar to him
She pulls on his hand with a devilish grin
She led him upstairs, she led him up stairs
Left him dying to get in 


Forgive me I’m trying to find
My calling, I’m calling at night
Don’t mean to be a bother
But have you seen this girl?
She’s been running through my dreams
And its driving me crazy it seems
I’m gonna ask her to marry me


Even though she doesn’t believe in love
He’s determined to call her bluff
Who can deny these butterflies
They’re filling his gut
Waking the neighbors
Unfamiliar faces he pleads though he tries
But he’s only tonight
Now he’s dying to get inside


Forgive me I’m trying to find
My calling, I’m calling at night
Don’t mean to be a bother
But have you seen this girl?
She’s been running through my dreams
And its driving me crazy it seems
I’m gonna ask her to marry me


The neighbors said she moved away
Funny how it rained all day
I didn’t think much of it then
But it started to all make sense
Oh I can see now
That all of these clouds 
Are following me in my desperate endeavor
To find my who ever
Where ever she may be


[Juliet Simms:]
I'm not coming back 
I've done something so terrible
I’m terrified to speak the truth you'd expect that from me
I’m mixed up, I’ll be blunt
Now the rain is just washing you out of my hair 
And out of my mind
keeping an eye on the world
So many thousands of feet off the ground
I'm over you now I'm not home in the clouds
Towering over your hair 


[Alex Gaskarth:]
I guess ill go home now
I guess ill go home now
I guess ill go home now
I guess ill go home now

Never Felt so Alone in My Whole Life

I lost my sister because of her husband. I never wanted to hurt my sister. I never wanted anything but the ability to know that I would always have her by my side, just for advice and just for family. I lost my sanity when she left. When she moved to northern California i took up cutting, and I have about ten scars on my arm since she left. The last time I saw her, we were at dinner. For once I didn't feel like the baby in the family. I felt like her best friend. I know she saw my scars but i couldn't help it. We laughed and had so much fun its a re run in my head of pain and happiness. Then I look at my pictures of me and her and her son, and I remember holding him in my arms and i remember crying the moment I saw them both. I just stood there, staring at my nephew just in awe, hoping that it could all be a dream because it felt surreal. All i heard from her was "I need to see my sister. I just need to." and then i felt her arms wrap around me and I felt safe. I felt okay. Like everything that had been missing had suddenly found the place that it once came home to everyday. I couldn't help it I cried and she whispered "Please don't cry baby girl. Please. I'm here that's all that matters." But i balled like i am right now. Because I loved her. She was and is my hero. Shes the only person that means anything. Then she went and said have you met the baby? And i cried again, as my nephew was placed in my arms and he stayed there and fell asleep in them and that was the happiest day of my life. But also the image of my nightmares. My sister doesn't speak to me. And i wish i could tell her i love her and i miss her and im sorry for anything and everything. I'll take a deal with the devil and I'll trade places with Jacob anyday. I'll be the scapegoat. I'll do anything just to see her... But that's just me holding on to a fairy-tale.


 I never loved a guy so much in my life. You wanted to know how I feel about you? I feel alive and i feel happy. I feel wanted and needed. I feel angry and frustrated. I feel dorky and silly. I feel amazing and retarded. I feel like the reason you have to breathe.  I feel like the reason you have to leave me because it's better for you. It's safer and better. You say you love me too much but you'll get over it. You'll be just fine. Youll learn to breathe again. To love again. To see why I wasn't good for you. You'll see. just let me go for now i'll be just fine don't ya know don't ya know now that i'm back on my own tell me how it feels to watch the walls of your security crumble i remember you .  I keep breaking your heart and I can't do that anymore. 


My dad, i have nothing to say to him but i love you and im sorry im not the daughter you had planned inside your head.

FUCK

i dont wanna talk to anyone right now.


i dont care if you are my best friend.


i dont care if its my family.


i cant make you happy you know it as well as i do. 


</3

It's like Pleasure This Pain...

Life's a bitch. Tell me something that i don't know.. geebus.


So I've got shit on the mind and honestly I would like ten minutes to myself to not worry about anything but my brain wants to worry about everything at the same time. Boys. Grades. Family. My sister. My friends. The kid that is typing way to loud. My migraine. The texts I have waiting. Everything. I can't think straight. I hate it. I hate being strong but at least  I have someone to be strong for. Life wont let me slow down and maybe if it did then it wouldn't make sense. So my hectic makes sense? Crying on my bedroom floor makes sense of the cruel world outside my window? The songs on my iPod that seem to fit every emotion is making my life make sense? I find that highly unlikely. No one goes through the same motions someone else goes through. It's just not possible. No one knows my pain, similarities, yes those are very likely. But the exact same thing at the exact same time? Impossible.


I want my tattoo. Not because I want to join the endless band of kids at my school that have the ink to have it. No, I want it because it would be meaningful and it means hour after hour of pain that my body craves right now but I promise too many people that I wouldn't cut anymore. Plus, ink means more then a few cuts on the arm of a depressed girl.


I want my cousin to go out with my friend already. Because then I wouldn't feel like an idiot when I have to ask him whats going on with them because she is getting mixed messages.


I want to go home and scream every word to A Day to Remember in my room to scare my migraine out of me. Plus, they always make me feel better.


I want to belong to someone.


I want my dad to say I Love you.


I want to live for something.


I want this pleasure to always be pain, because then I will always know I am doing something right.


-K

I love this song

Been through a lot this last year
Like everything I love is slipping away
And every time I come home
Some of me isn't there
I got to get it together
I got to do things for myself
I've giving everything
Plus you take some from me
I need some room to breath


Come on come on
You know this isn't what we planned on
Come on come on
Tell me we'll be ok
(We'll be ok)
Lets go back lets go back
To a time where I
Still felt I had a family
This isn't what I remember
Everyone is looking
Out for just themselves
And need be I'd be happy to leave
I see straight through
That smile straight through
That painted face
Don't think I can't tell
Which one of you is against me


Come on come on
You know this isn't what we planned on
Come on come on
Tell me we'll be ok
(We'll be ok)
Lets go back lets go back
To a time where I
Still felt I had a family


I had the greatest faith in fools,
I turn my back and out came the wolves!


Pay attention!


Come on come on
You know this isn't what we planned on
Come on come on
Tell me we'll be ok
(We'll be ok)
Lets go back lets go back
To a time where I
Still felt I had a family


Been through a lot this last year
Like everything I love is slipping away

What would you do without me?" "What i did before..."

Sing in the shower, dance in the rain, laugh as much as you can, live ur life to the fullest because u never know when this life will end.


Being alone will never cause as much loneliness as the wrong relationship...
I act like I don't care, but deep inside, it hurts.
He ignores you, but you like him. He does nothing, yet you fall for him. You miss him, even though you know he has never thought about you.
Yeah yeah. Same old story. You say hello. I fall for you. You leave. I cry. End of story.
She loves him more than he will ever know. He loves her more than he will ever show.
I'm sorry, but unlike you, I'm not the doorknob, where everyone gets a turn. Im more of a casino, where only the lucky ones hit the jackpot.
Sometimes, good things fall apart so that even better things can fall together.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
You actually really never stop loving somebody, You just learn how to live without them in your life...
Every woman deserves a man who loves and respects her and every man deserves a woman who appreciates his efforts.
I remember the first time I fell for you... I haven't gotten up since.
Someone said to me "you're too pretty to be single" I said "no, I'm too pretty to be lied to, cheated on, and played with."
You text him, he doesn't text back. He was obviously so excited that you texted him that he fainted!
Loving someone who doesn't love you back is like hugging a cactus. The tighter you hold on, the more it hurts. </3
3 words 8 letters... say it and i'm yours. "I got food."
There are some people in life that make you laugh a little louder, smile a little bigger and live just a little bit better. <3
Don't keep crying because of an mistake. Learn from it & move on. Don't waste your life blaming yourself because of something that's gone.
All I want to do is sit down for ten minutes and nor worry about a single, damn. thing .

Don't go back to less, just because you're too impatient to wait for the best.

t sucks when you're ignored by the one person who's attention means the world to you.

Strength- More like an ability to swallow my fears

I never had the idea to just sit down and write something. It may be pointless to you but I have a friend that told me that maybe my issues could make one less person feel less alone. Like they can turn down the volume of their music. Or put down the knife. You never know, I could make a difference. So here I go.


I didn't have a good upbringing and maybe that accounts for all the shit I've been through because I was told that I deserved whatever decided to come my way. My parents got divorced when I was in elementary school. I moved from school to school but never really went, I had to take care of my mom. No, I wrote that right. I took care of my mom and myself, so I learned independence at a very young age and it only got stronger. I lived with my dad, and honestly I love my dad so much that I wish he understood that but I don't think that he ever will. But he got remarried and I again felt alone, and like I never mattered. After all, why would anyone want me around? But i got over that because I knew one day i would matter for myself, and no one else, because to this day, i still don't need anyone. And I am totally okay with that. I still live with my dad and my step mom and I cant wait to leave because I want to mean something to someone out there more then just a lover, or a daughter.. I want to be a hero.


I don't know who to trust, so I trust myself. I don't let anyone see my battle scars because dammit I don't want anyone's pity or empathy. I don't need a shoulder. Yes that is bad but I've been doing it for so damn long that I ignore the little girl deep down that wants out to cry and to have someone just say I love you. Hell, I'd like that from my own father. I trusted my sister... but she left, never to return and I'm over it, she wanted it this way and I can't say I love her anymore. Maybe, one day, but for now. I wish her the best. And  I want nothing to do with her constant need to put me down like the rest of them. I got better.


I've been taken advantage of. That's how I'll leave that. I lost my family for that. I lost my sister for that. And i lost my ability to love someone as much as I wish i could because  I don't want it anymore. I don't want physical love. But I wont let any close enough to have emotional love, because everyone I have ever loved has left me in the background to suffer and they go on their merry damn way. I got stronger. I win.


I've lost everything I had. I loved every person in my life more then they loved me back. I have hated and held  grudges and wished that every moment would just leave. I've cut. I've drank. I've tried to OD. I know what it feels like when it feels like your all alone and you just want to die because no one would seem to care if you were gone. I would, I don't care if I don't know you. I know how it feels and I feel like we are close enough to know everything. Life is hard. Its a bitch. It will test your strength and your goals. There is no uphill or downhill slide, there is no safe place to lay your head. You just have to make your life your way, keep one or two friends that will be there and love you when you need a moment to break down. You'll have a friend that you are the mama too that helps them stay strong. I'll be here to help anyway. I'm in the battle with you, and dammit we will win. We will survive.